Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
