i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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