Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
