I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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