I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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