At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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