Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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