I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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