i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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