I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
