I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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