you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
