Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
