make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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