if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
