Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
There are leaves in my underwear?
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