Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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