Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
People in love make me want to vomit
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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