I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
