just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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