since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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