I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
