I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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