Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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