whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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