I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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