why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
