were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
