last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
they're like a gay fantastic four
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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