Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
