I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
