She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
