$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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