There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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