Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
