I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize