wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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