I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
