He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
