Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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