Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
