I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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