its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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