we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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