can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
