you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
