Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
