it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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