I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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