i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
