I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
