At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
