Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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