Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
