i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
