I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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