She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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