if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
