he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
