Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
