this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize