Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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