the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
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I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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