My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
