i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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