Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
