Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
