addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
