It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
