Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
