Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
