I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
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