do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
