is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
