Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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